RELATIONSHIPS

LOVE HAS TO STAY!

RELATIONSHIPS success is one aspect that has remained like a mystery to many. Even the wisest lose it more most of the time. It’s like the wiser we become, the more we just can’t get it right.

I naturally draw inspiration from personal experience and learn from them. What happens to people around me too, books and few movies. Music is that part that corroborates with my expressive ability; therefore it is a much deeper source of inspiration because it contains both vocal expression as well as lyrical prowess which bring our feelings from the inside to a more vivid picture. 

RELATIONSHIP wears out most times due to our failures to consider and understand what matters most and give it a greater part of our attention. We should work more hard in making it look like we just started, by clearing every mess, polishing every part, and making sure there’s no room for cracks. This begins by working on our individual weaknesses and applying our strength to it. Most importantly is managing our individual differences and being determined to stay together. In a relationship which the couples are more determined to bounce than being determined to stay has failed already, because it is more like an experiment than a project.

The more it is hard for me and for so many other people considered to understand the language of love to get love and relationship issues right, the more it becomes a bigger concern. Most importantly, my concern grows deeper as marriages made in haven falls into hell every day. Love grows cold within shorter space of time, people want out, considering previous decisions to love as stupid. 

Many are grumbling in their marriages and can’t let go for obvious reasons, many simply want out, the drama is becoming unending. The similar reason is that they can’t figure out how to work it out. So they are hopeless about it. But then, it is a natural truth that determination to make it work pays. May be it should be taken slow at a point, because we are just ORDINARY PEOPLE like John Legend said.

Valentine has come and gone, but LOVE has to stay!

ORDINARY PEOPLE LYRICS by John Legend

 

Love and money which is a bigger security?

Money can't buy Love, yea. But money can buy women's loyalty, yea. But what is a woman's love without loyalty, no.

Unfortunately, most women are more loyal to money and power, yea. Don't ask me how I know, I've bought one over before, kind of pay as you go, as your money reach. I guess the issue is that men just want more, you know, possessing a woman entirely for a larger price. When you can’t afford it, OYO is your case. They call it ....... I guess its only a payment for a larger potion of her time and attention. You know what, its like this; pay for one and get one free. Pay for the woman and get her love free. Its natural that way shey? I agree!

They say a woman's greatest desire is security and not love per say, because love is always available for her, therefore not longer enough. If not, why these love birds never marry? They say they are searching for the right man. Are you a learner? The right man is always available, but this Benjamin is not, always. It either keep the right man dodging you or you dodging him.

 Love and money which is a bigger security. Trust me, both is perfect. OMG, why is the rich couples divorcing every day? Women are getting paid. Wow! Akpors asks for divorce and never get any. That is for better for worse, break up to make up, really an average people thing? Hmm I see! Mama Nene don't want to go back to her fathers house because Akpors cant pay, and no man want OK, Akpors used. Them just dey perch 'am like that  even though them don tire.

 Alright, if not for religious belief, why would a man end up with one wife if he can afford two, or stay in a damaged marital relationship. It is in the nature of man to be attracted to women's picture they see, while women only appreciates the picture which exists in their heart. You know like, look at a picture and look at some body to identify if thats the person. In that case, a good disguise can make a good deception. 

Men posses to be loved, women posses to be secured. In that case, is LOVE really the center thing?  Trust me; in the world we are living today, money has become the major means of exchange including for love. Or rather for company and attention.  Don’t tex me! You want a big hug this Valentine, your pocked can make it possible, love or no love.

I think many people know love, but love can’t recognize them, therefore don’t know them, because it’s blind, and reacts to what it hears, feels and believe. It definitely can\t do any of these from a distance. Love wey dey see na made in warri, packaged in China.

WHEN ITZOVA; this is what they say, "I really thought you were the one – Y Xes 

When you make advances at a woman and she gives you this attitude, that you are not good enough for her, don’t even bother. Just know that she can’t count on her own judgment. You can almost hear her say, “I know what I want, not you”. Ehen! She may be right about you not having certain things that some one else has. But things and people do change, tables do turn. Bear it in mind that the closest one can get to perfection is through faith; because it gives this feeling of I can never be wrong. If she doesn’t have faith in you, then she can’t see beyond your face. Nonetheless, reverse could be the case; figure it out.

How ever, I have seen relationships and love made in heaven crumbled. I have seen people who act like a treasure being treated like a trash. I have seen even the finest being dumped. I have heard people scream it’s over. One question that has always lingered in my mind is, Y Xes if the judgment is ever right from the start. If it was wrong before despite what the heart said, when can it be right and remain the same.
Today, many are victims of self deception, or rather on the fair side, wrong judgment. Even those who seem to know it all just can’t get it, Y? Y would a lady be 30 and still not married while she could ‘ve started dating at 17? X1, X2, X3, X4…. and so on. Hmm! could it be how she want it, or do she need money for bride price like the men. I guess the only major responsibility she have is to say yes, and to the right man. Could is be the challenges of knowing the right man? Men, are you that snicky? I’m trying not to lol ‘because this article is a serious one.

There are challenges in making the right choice and every one face it. It becomes more frustrating when you have what you feel is required, and yet the situation can’t be fixed when you want it. You have much love to share but few cash, the ladies want mo’ cash. You have mo’ cash, but less love, yet the ladies want you and you know it. Lol! It’s great when both are available o! So that it wont come to that point when a guy concludes that she is all around him because of what he has, fame, money, or power. In some cases it’s about wanting to maintain a standard and class if the lady is not the can he take care of me type.

Well well, most times, what works today, fails tomorrow. It’s about getting it fixed, how many love enough to do that. It’s easier to take a favorite cloth to a dry cleaner than fixing a failing relationship these days. In as much as divorce is getting higher every day, it is still not up to the amount of broken relationships. That makes one wonder, is the married in bondage? As in, the reason why they can’t just quit any time kind of out-weighs the reasons why they should. Like being seen as a divorcee, risk of not being married again, age factor, etc.

Today, a lot of people are single for two major reasons. 1. No serious person has come their way. 2. Their judgment just can’t fix their need; that is, their desire may be over-clouding the true picture of their need. When love comes around, there may be a contradiction with desire, vise vasa. The least is natural deformity. These are far beyond control, only luck plays the card, ultimately, God.

IF LOVE IS A GAME.......

We all go through relationship issues every now and then. Some love and would not be loved back, some refuse to love because they loved once and was not truly loved back, while some are obsessed with someone they cant have, letting illusion over cloud their mind. Therefore, the old saying remains valid, that it’s so good, loving somebody, when some body loves you back. But in all cases, would the people who are involved fall in love with each other at the same time? If one person has to initiate it, then it can be most likely demanding. If I’m left to evaluate it, I‘ll say it’s a risk worth taking only when the heart leads. Many marriages today were not lead by true love, but by necessity of time, which is initiated by personal mental dictatorship – MENTAL DICTATORSHIP is a psychological structure which discriminate who to be with and time, hence, respecter of personality and vulnerability to rush hours, when the desired status is not achieved within the free time space.

No doubt, time is a thing of deep consideration, and personal choice is never left out. But yet a broad mind-set when these things are considered can not be over-emphasized. Today, true value for love is made scanty through lack of faith in the strength it posses. Material things and artificial self worth has become the order of the day. Therefore unleashing series of relationships based on experiment and skeletal judgment. Little wonder almost every one has many X’s before marriage, making virginity out of fashion. This has affected the sacred nature of married lives, families, and has eaten deep into the generation of today like canker-worms. We all are guilty, but who will bail the cat?

In as much as olden days match-making was successful due to lack of exposure, and it’s not encouraged in this computer age. Yet it remains an evidence of a healthy relationship built on faith and purity of the heart. People were appreciated for their natural endowment, making cultural upbringing a major consideration, with potential abilities in vivid view.
In conclusion, I encourage you my dear reader, to embrace truthfulness in appraising every relationship issue, be it loving or being loved. If truth be told, loving right gives emotional security and mental strength which make every goal achievable.

Meanwhile, there`s something we all are a victim or guilty of in one time or the other. This is loving someone who doesn’t care, or not appreciating being loved willingly. Which ever the case may be, I want you to bear in mind these few words.

“A thousand words do not make a single sense to an ear that does not care. Crying a river can not dissolve a heart of stone. Flowers, poems, midnight whispers, love songs, special designs, perfumes, have no value to an absent mind. A drop of tears in an ocean makes no difference, only a sandy soil can dry drops of tears. Keep your words when only you can hear you, those around might have gone deaf. Don’t be afraid of hurting your neck peeping into a distant heart, but don’t stretch it for too long, to avoid the head falling off. The safest place to keep a heart is with whose own you already have, the choice is yours, to either break it or use it as an exchange of trust. The least, no one is perfect, love makes all the difference”.

CIRCUMSTANCE AND CONSEQUENCE 

The fear of pharaoh's intimidating decision kept the true identity of Moses hidden for years, until circumstance and reality came face to face with time (Ex. 2: 1-15) 

The consequence of revealing certain situations "when" not on the safe side of events could be better left to slide with time. You just might be more ready to handle it. In other words, the right time. The question may be, is there ever a right time to tell the truth about something? Yes & No! Now, then or later, 'cause circumstances differs, so is reactions and consequences.

There was a young man on a wheel chair, in search of love, a pathetic situation, spotted during an evening radio talk show on relationships. He dropped his phone number and intention, was called by a lady, and a deep communication ignited between them. His fear of losing the new found company due to his "condition" came between him and revealing it during phone conversation. If truth be told, such is hard to tell, so he left her to discover it when they met. The possible consequence of telling her about his condition on the phone was unstoppable in the one on one scene. Not even by few time of the assumed existing friendship.

Just like Okonkwo was driven around by his fear, allowing his strength fail him "THINGS FALL APART" when the center can not hold. Did LOVE (The Center) fail to hold? FEAR takes over when LOVE is let-go. Fear to give and fear to accept in quote.

There can be many people like that around, may be not on a wheel chair, may be you don't just fit into the fashion, I mean what most people "want", and in realizing this, your confidence is tampered with. I say this to you; your fear based on your condition is human, and the timely consequence is natural in a discriminating, selfish, and judgmental world. There's always a reason for any situation you find your self. Remember Ruth or Jabez. Focus! Look the other way, that side may be all that matters. Love is free, therefore love and accept your self, as well as nature, so that you will have no reason to hide the true picture of you. You can be happy with or without human acceptance. When circumstances throw that decision @u, take it! Cheers!

LOVE PILL IS COMPLICATED

“When I was searching for you, I kept my eyes wide open at every detail of my vision. Now that I found you, I feel like asking, are you really the one or should I expect another…… The answer is not there if it can’t be seen it in the eyes. When people begin to find it hard exploring the beautiful secrets of the eyes, then it’s complicated”.

Most a time, people ask, why am I here, why did I get married, is he or she really the one for me, etc. The genesis of every question is ignorance, confusion or doubt. Answer brings reassurance if it feeds the heart to satisfaction. Perfection can not be guaranteed in any relationship, but perfect communication is vital.   When people fall in love the first time, it is usually like a dream they don’t want to wake up from. But when it become complicated, it is like a nightmare that keeps them awake all night. If only an investment can be made into communication. Just look into each other’s eyes and talk about it. By so doing, you understand each other’s feeling better. A spouse that is difficult to talk is a big concern. Being easily pissed on issues which could be discussed with affection and understanding is not a good sign in a growing relationship. It’s like realizing you followed a stranger into the forest. Scary!

People do change, things do change. Which ever way, the changes affects communication. How ever, don’t let the moment get cold for too long. Don’t lose the sight of the beautiful heart, because what you see is what you get. Dig deep with an effective and healthy communication. When love pill becomes ineffective, then it is completely complicated.

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